I am a sinner saved by grace…
I grew up in a Christian home for which I am very thankful, but I did not understand my own need for Jesus until I was 14 years old.
I attended a private Christian school and became very rebellious in 7th grade. I only had a couple of close friends, which to me it seemed as if I was always the tag along. Still, I put a lot of value on those friendships, then one day everything collapsed. My friends started arguing and split up with me left standing in the middle not knowing which side to take. The longer I stood there, the more I started to realize that they did not care about me and that I was not needed (I know this was not the case). Satan knew that I lived for my friendships and if he could prove to me that they didn’t care about me, he would have more control over me.
And he did. I got into more trouble at school (not obeying the rules) and became depressed and suicidal. My friends were all I had, they were the only ones who knew the real me, and since I figured that they didn’t care anymore, I felt as if no one cared. Satan told me these lies and I believed them to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore. When I was feeling my lowest of lows, there was one desire in my heart that kept me from killing myself: my desire to drive a motorcycle.
(This is so serious, but so funny at the same time. Now it seems so petty to get so depressed about my friends splitting up, but that is where I found my life’s purpose: through having friends. I love motorcycles. I would watch every single race and had my favorite racers. It was my dream to race superbikes and to some day own a Kawasaki Ninja. So, this was a big deal for me.)
My parents noticed that I didn’t have many friends and decided to switch schools before 8th grade. The friends I made at the new private Christian school invited me to their church, right beside the school. I started going to there youth group activities regularly. One night the youth group traveled to a local church to see a drama. It was there that I heard the gospel message, which I had heard before but never understood why it mattered. The speaker used scripture from Revelations 3:14-16:
“And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: ‘The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God’s creation.
“‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.
He asked the question, are you lukewarm? Are you pretending to live for God but are not on fire for Him? I knew that at that very moment I needed to make the decision to be cold or to be hot. I knew that I could not be lukewarm any longer. I chose to be hot, on-fire for God.
The speaker said that they wanted to talk to those who made decisions, but I was so shy and the people from my group were in a hurry to leave, so I just left. I didn’t have any close friends yet, due to my shyness and being new to the youth group, so I sat in the back of the bus and cried the entire way back.
I understood that someone did care about me. He cared about me so much, that He died for me, so that I would not go to hell (the road I was on), but could choose to go to heaven, which I accepted.
I was released from my depression! (not instantly, but eventually). I experienced freedom from the law, I no longer had to do the right things to be a good person because Jesus cleansed my of my sin. It was through His perfect sacrifice on the cross that paid the price for my sins, that I was saved and am going to heaven. Jesus CARED for me!
And He cares for you too.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
If you have any thoughts questions about my testimony, please comment, and I will answer you.